...after 30+ years in the field with clients

It’s never about the stuff.

There you are. I said it. Very few things in life boil down to a simple truth but organizing can be reduced to that one sentence. And yet, organizers write about tips, tricks, steps, plans and products as if getting organized existed in a vacuum. You live your life and you step outside the entirety of that experience in order to create a pantry worthy of Instagram or a closet that resembles a boutique in Milan. It’s a fantasy.

You are a fully functioning human being and everything in your life is part of how you feel, how you experience the world and how you approach every challenge from taking the trash out in a timely fashion to finding out your are pregnant or have a health challenge like diabetes. I’ve been organizing people for over 30 years and my clients taught me this reality through our conversations. I’ve never met anyone whose current life experience was not reflected in their environment. A desire for change is what prompts the call to me.

Some people want the change in the environment because inside they are having breakthroughs and need the physical environment to mirror their new state of being. Sometimes the change is dancing in the near future (a move to a new house, a promotion at work or a surprise dream trip) and a new environment will be needed to support the new life experience headed to my client. I celebrate those clients who embrace change as I mourn for those who feel unready for the shifts in the environment. They return to the chaos as a source of comfort. What’s the old saying about the devil you know? These thoughts came to the forefront of my mind this week as I learned of the passing of a man who had an extraordinary impact on my life.

Meet My Mentor

Years ago when collecting buttons was all the rage, I had a small collection. My favorite was a simple albeit profound message: “This is not a dress rehearsal.” No kidding. It really is now or never. Mindfulness asks that we live in the present as it is the only reality. The past can not be amended. The future is not guaranteed. Your environment should tell me about you.

I want to tell you about the man who died. If you follow me, read my books or work with me, you will be benefitting from my relationship with him. He literally changed my life. And everything he taught me, I pass on as best I can to others. I hope this small homage makes you remember one of your mentors with deep gratitude and I hope if they are still in a body that you reach out and express your thanks. Put that note on your calendar. It’s as much about getting/being/staying organized as a totally decanted pantry.

From Brooklyn to Palm Trees

I had been in Los Angeles a year when the word came I could now join Gordon Hunt’s acting class for professional actors. I felt I had waited all my life for this moment. I was a ‘good girl’ growing up. I never got into trouble, I had great grades and I counted the days until I was free to pursue an acting career. It was all I ever wanted from the age of 5. It’s the understatement of my lifetime to say that goal was not embraced by anyone in my life. And now I was free.

Every week we sat in the same seats as creatures of habit do and I was next to a delightful character actor who became like a brother to me. Gary always looked a bit tired but one day he walked in transformed. His skin was clear, his eyes sparkled and he was full of vitality. I said: “What happened to you?!” Gary laughed knowing how great he looked and said: “Oh! It’s not me. It’s my doctor. He’s a miracle worker.” I immediately asked for his number.

Growing up in Brooklyn, going to the doctor meant getting pills or some diagnosis that required surgery like the time my tonsils were removed just after I turned 21. (Don’t ask.) I went to see this doctor with no expectations of a change in approach. Little did I know my whole life would be turned on its head and spun 180 degrees.

Dr. Soram Singh Khalsa was an American who found the Sikh religion while at Yale medical school. He wore all white including a turban. He had a long red bead and the bluest eyes I had ever seen. Dr. Soram was thin and I liked to say he didn’t walk into a room as much as he wafted into it. He exuded intelligence and kindness in equal measure. He was exotic and I adored him instantly.

He asked me a number of questions and finally got to coffee. “I assume you drink coffee?” I shook my head ‘yes’ and then he asked: “Is that 2 or 3 cups a day?” When I replied: “No, more like 20,” I thought Dr. Soram was going to have cardiac arrest. His energy changed completely and he spoke to me as no other doctor ever had. “You have a decision to make. You simply can not be healthy if you are going to drink 20 cups of coffee a day. Go home and come back if and when you are ready to do the work otherwise you are wasting my time.” With that he turned and left the room.

There was nothing harsh in his tone or his manner. He was teaching me that I was in charge of my health. He was my guide but I had to play ball. This attitude may be common now but it was revolutionary at that time. I thought it over and decided to give up coffee. He introduced me to acupuncture and the transformative power of herbs. At the end of 6 weeks I felt like I never had in my entire life. I had no clue what good health really meant. I asked what else I could do and he responded: “Become a vegetarian.” I had to think about that one for 6 months not because I loved meat so much but because I’d have to learn how to cook. I ultimately showed up for that change, took cooking classes and ushered in a decade of weekly dinner parties.

I’d go to see him and he’d ask my symptoms. One day he asked his nurse to leave the room and turned to me and said: “What is going on in your life?” He intuitively knew that my symptoms were tied to a life experience. He guessed it was a man and a break-up. He joked he should put together a panel who would vet all my dates since I could clearly not be trusted to pick the right guy.

He encouraged my healing work in therapy and my spiritual quest. He delighted when I found my spiritual teacher. He was doctor, mentor and friend in one elegant package. Can you see the thread that connects how he handled medicine with how I organize? My life during that decade was filled with such teachers. You benefit from what I learned. Everything they taught me dove tailed later in the formulation of Zen Organizing.

I’m taking some time today to cry. The landscape of my life is changed forever. In moments like this we always have a choice. Do we dive deep into the loss or do we wrap ourselves in the deepest gratitude possible for the time this wonderful human being graced our experience? I choose the later.

Wear gratitude like a cloak and it will feed every corner of your life.

Rumi

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This post is an homage to a mentor who just passed away. There are many wonderful books about death but the one that helped me when I lost my parents back-to-back in my 20's was On Death & Dying by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. After writing this book, she did more research and ultimately realized that the stages of grief could be applied to any loss not just the death of a human close to you. Understanding this can help you navigate the loss of a pet, a job or the unrelenting sadness that some of the world news brings to us.