Sometimes the best way to learn what you don’t want in your life is to experience it. I can share that the 3 ‘gifts’ I do not want at Christmas time have all been given to me. Well, to be fair I invited them into my experience with ignorance. Allow me to head you off at the pass and offer alternatives. Are you ready?

Odious Gift #1

Decades ago not long after I arrived in Los Angeles, I was adopted by a large Swedish family. On Christmas Eve tradition dictated a festive meal and exchanging gifts. The star guest of the evening was Santa himself. I grabbed my credit card and headed to my favorite store in Beverly Hills. Let me say that was my first mistake. I was into impressing everyone with a box from Neiman Marcus. Youth is wasted on the young.

I got everyone a special present and spent money I didn’t have. It took most of the following year to pay that card off. I honestly don’t think anyone liked any of my gifts. I tend to select non-traditional items. Don’t we all have enough ties, gloves, socks & PJ’s?

Fortunately, I got the message when I opened that first credit card statement in January. I never again spent on gifts what I was not able to pay off immediately. If a potential recipient doesn’t respect my budget, they clearly are in a ‘friendship’ based on things other than love and values.

How do you avoid bloated credit card statements? I see two solutions:

• Know and honor your budget limitations. In fact, take time to create a budget for the holidays and base it on funds you have available not on funds you hope to make.

• Communicate with family & friends about your limitations. Set an amount for gift expenditures. Leave guilt, shame & fear off the table. You are being an adult and setting a shining example to all of financial literacy & accountablilty.

I’ll be hosting a Holiday Planning Seminar in early November so we can all get on the same page. If you have children, your example will influence them more powerfully than a thousand lectures on money management. If you have colleagues, friends and family members who also need to act responsibly, they will be so grateful you spoke up! By the way, should you have a few wealthy folks on your list who do not wish to be limited, be happy for their generosity and simply say ‘thank you’ to whatever they bring to the table. Allow them to feel good. You don’t have to have a negative response. One day the table may be turned and it will be your opportunity to gift with abandon.

Odious Gift #2

It wasn’t my fault. My aunt Marie was an extraordinary cook and baker. I was visiting my mom’s family for the first holiday after her passing and I stuffed my face with cookies with an abandon you can not imagine! Odious Gift #2 was an extra 5 pounds it took me several months to lose. I was 25 and completely unaware of nutrition. I was eating my sorrow far more than I was enjoying the dozens of cookies my aunt made and yes, they were delish.

I am more conscious now that I will pay a price if I over eat. Whether it’s bloating, indigestion, a headache or 5 pounds, it’s not ever going to be worth it! I am also now aware of my feelings and deal with them without including sugar and salt in the therapy. Eating your feelings is a strategy that never works.

Odious Gift #3

In my 20’s I had to deal with the loss of both of my parents by the time I was 25. I like to say not only did I not have tools, I had no idea such things existed. Today my work is filled with tools for my clients, readers and followers. From stress relief, to planning and execution of any project, I’ve got you covered.

I deeply believe that every seemingly ‘bad’ experience has gifts hidden waiting for you to claim. Today I plan my life. I never wake up on January 1st and wonder: “Wow! Was that blur the holidays?!” Nor do I enter a New Year without direction. Mindfulness has many applications outside the world of meditation and part of my work is guiding you to a directed life so that nothing is a blur but rather a treasured experience.

Left unexamined or directed, your life experience is on repeat. You need dreams that turn into goals and then a plan to effectuate them. I’ll be covering all this in my Holiday Planning Seminar. I hope you join me.